There are lots of ways my friendship group shows affection for one another. Usually its in our photoshoots; half of the pictures show us giggling wildly at some comment one of us has said. In other ways it the sleep overs we have; where we can chat about anything without worries of what anyone else will say.

There have been the silent times. Rosa doesn't have any idea how many times i have defended her when we were in high school. There is only so much teasing and bitching you can take about your best friend from the people in your classes. And i was proud to do this - there was no reason for them to be like this! I can ignore comments made about myself completely, but i won't stand for it against my friends; to do it behind their back just shows cowardness which says even more.

The surprise party we planned for her last thursday, is another example of this i think. Things at college have been hard for her resently, so why not show her where and who her real friends were. We planned for months behind her back, made false - confusing - plans and had to try - or fail - to surpress the giggles.

Oddly, i think the shinning moment was when she was sitting silently at the table, just looking around at everyone, and her eyes were gleaming very slightly and for one second i thought the tears would come. This showed how much she liked the party. This was all the thanks that was needed because it was real, raw emotion.

a happy post

Well, dad didn't lose his job thankfully. Waiting for dad to call was horrible - it was so tense, but when he did and told us the good news, everything was good. Mum was so happy, she was convinced he wouldn't.

My parents have gone away for the week, and its just me and my brother at home, which is werid, but kinda cool hehe. I mean, it's quite and a bit lonely when Rory goes out, but it does mean i have the car for the week. Aside from yesterday when some idiot parked slightly behind me when i had another completely in front of me, which meant having to do some stressful reversing, it has been freedom.

For example me and my two best friends went to a beautiful wood and had a morning of photo taking and catching up which is well overdue. And on thursday shall be full of fun as well, which i will make sure i write about on here afterwards.

Over all things ar looking up - finally. After so many months filled with fear, anger and worry, i hope that the new ones will carry on this good note.

Fuck...........

tomorrow we'll find out if my dad is being made redundant....

He loves his job. He's a teacher at the National Construction College. He gets on so well with the guys, always thinking of new things for them to do, but enjoy at the same time. For example he brought in our old broken lawnmower last week, they fixed it, then managed to do wheelies on it in the carpark.

But three people have to go.

If he does loose it, i honestly don't know what will happen. He knows people, but if he'll be able to get another job straight away.....? And thats not what i'm even the most worried about. It's mum. She is so scared.

I was doing homework on the floor and she sat in the chair, and in a small voice she said 'Kim, what will we do if dad looses his job'

Even now, i am the parent and she is still the child.

God, what if he does, and she gets worse? If she tried it again, another overdose, or worse something like cutting her wrists or drowning herself?! I can't deal with that again! I may be 18 but i need my mum!

A friend of mine said to me i have a lot of inner strength, and i agree with her, i do. But if this happens its going to crack and i won't be able to deal with it on my own.

come on, you guys know i mean you

One sits neatly, umbella twirling and smiling sneakily. The other crouches amongst the bluebells, camera held, making the most stupid faces to cause a real smile.

Best friends take you on spontanious trips, they laugh kindly at your mistakes, they silently hold out their hand for you to hold to help them across a ditch, you can lay in bed and admit how scare you both are about the future with them, they can say what matters most when you are crying down the phone to them and have no one else to turn to.

They help you forget all of the scary world and pressures, and for those moments captured in a camera, those grins and arms hung around each other, they are never forgotten, they are there for in the future when you want to remember about being a teenager.

These people, are wonderful. They are brillant, beautiful - best.

Never let us change.