I've always been creative and arty ever since i was little; i suppose it helped that my primary school seemed to focus on that much more than anything else - which is good because history and science in primary school is sooooo boring! So yes, that helped, and my parents always encouraged it.
I suppose i come from a big family of creative people; my dad used to be an engineer before become a teacher and he's great at wood work - half our funisher is made by him! Then there's my mum who constantly cooks, sews and will draw if the mood takes her. My brother used to draw when he was younger, birds mostly, but he sort of lost the trail of it. The closest of my grandads; another engineer and woodwork person and the other one can play the keyboard better than anyone i know, and both my nan's sew; making quilts and clothes. So yes, i come from a pretty creative family, one way or another.
Art in high school was fun, though i always remember wishing we had more of the lessons - hell i hated the teacher, but the actual doing art was fun! I took it as a GCSE and though i seemed to have to slave over it constantly, i really did like it really, and even better when we could do our own thing in it. I remember drawing the things in my coursework books, and thinking they were ok, but obviously not that good as my teacher never gave me much encourgment. Although my wonderful friends and family made up for it. So, considering all that; how in my rushed convosations with my art teacher, i was expecting a C, possibly a B.
When results came around it really showed how bad she was. I got an A. I dont want to gloat, just explain how surprised i was - i was not expecting that! I remember looking down at the paper and just thinking 'What?! How could i have gotten an A?!'
So that gave me a bit of confidence; though i am careful never to show off about it. I'll gladly answer if someone asks what i got in art, but i know never to gloat and brag. I've always been able to put myself in others shoes very easily, see things from their point of view, so i always remind myself that i meet someone who bragged about their ability all the time, i would hate them! So, i keep quite. And still doubt myself.
To help encourge me with my art, my parents have always let me paint on my walls, which i am tremendously grateful for them; it lets me put my personally on my room and pratice. I've had everything; from fish and dolphins, stars and moons, flowers, mice, cats, odd made up designs. Currently, there is a huge white and blue dragon - called Alfie - and a musical sort of score, which spills off at one end. Unless i do some room rearanging though, i dont have any more space.
But, the real thing i wanted to talk about, is the result of this wall painting, which i always thought was a fun hobby - now i'm kinda wishing i hadn't started it.
I had an insane idea! I didn;t even think it through! I told my friend about the music score i had painted, and she asked for a picture, i sent one, she told me she loved it - always nice - but then sent it to her boyfriend. I didn't mind, but then out of the blue he asked me to come and paint something on his walls! I didn't mind however, the problem came when i told my mum about what had happened.
And she suggested doing at as a part time profession! I always day dreamed of that when i was about five years younger, but now... but i agreed - that yes it would be fun, and it would get me some cash.
Only today have i really started thinking about it. I would have to be really good to do that! What if i painted something for someone, and they didn't like it, or it went wrong?!....I just dont know if i feel good enough to do that. And worse, i now preferre that idea to doing something make-upy, the course i am on, which the costs have gone well over a thousand pounds now. How can i just through that back in my parents face?! They said it was fine, that i had to do something when i left school, and at the time it seemed like the best thing to do. I just feel so...guilty. Money is hard - they had to save and save for me to be able to do that, and now it might seem like a waste!
Why some people can not wait to grow up i can not imgine - it's too full of desicions! Staying a kid is so much easier!
