It seems like all i write on here now days is angst related, and mostly about my mum. Well i say that, i can't actually remember the last time i posted an entry on here.
What can i say - are things better? I know she's still unhappy, but right now that doesn;t seem to be the biggest problem. She's on new tablets and they have a major side-effect; they make her dizzy. Everytime she bents down slightly, stand up from sitting down. Can you think how often you do those things every day without thinking about it? Seems like she does every few minutes. So everytime this happens, i am at her side to hold her as she sways.
Sometimes i'm not though - she goes to bed early as she has very little energy, and without fail she gets up to use the bathroom, and there is a thud. I have found her on the floor so many times were she has fainted, holding her head where she has hit it. I dread coming home from college one day to find her laying out cold on the floor with a major head wound.
Of course she has been to the doctor - their advice; wait a few weeks to see if it goes away and come back then if not! What kind of fucking advise is that!?What fucking use is that going to do when she falls over and hits her head?!
Maybe if they saw what these effects were really like, how much i fear the worst thing possible will happen, maybe if they were in my fucking shoes something might happen.
I feel like screaming sometimes, just one long yell. I want this...this horribleness to be gone. Its like i'm a glass 3/4 full of oil. Can someone tip me over? Yet i know, of course i know, that there are plently of people who have a much worse life than what i seem to. I could be without my mum, or she could have some other form of problem.
At least she's here, she's alive. I know that of course. Just, i wish i could be tipped over.
